Worship Music... Not Easy to Understand.

I listen to a lot of podcasts about a wide range of subjects from college basketball to technology to theology to art, etc. One of my new favorites is Nothing to Write Home About with Mat Pryor. Its a music podcast where Mat Pryor (The Get Up Kids, & The New Amsterdams) interviews other independent musicians about their stories and experiences dealing with the lifestyle of being a touring musician. Mat's a a super good interviewer with a knack for bringing out some rad insights from the people he has on, and he has interviewed some of my favorite dudes in the world, like Andy Hull (Manchester Orchestra; Right Away Great Captain; Bad Books), Kevin Devine (Kevin Devine and the GD Band; Bad books), John Nolan (Taking Back Sunday; Straylight Run), Max Bemis (Say Anything; Two Tongues) and tons more. He's a really smart dude and he makes really good music. I'm a fan.

Recently Mat interviewed one of my all time favorite people, Dustin Kensrue, who most people know from Thrice. While Thrice is a pretty hardcore band from Orange County with an incredibly loyal following and an established presence in their scene, Dustin has always been clear about the fact that his role as a Christian is his most important one. Pretty remarkable when you take into account the pressures of being a touring hard core punk rock frontman. This is why I hold Dustin in such a High Regard. By all accounts that I have come across, Dustin has never forsaken his faith for his fame.

Thrice has always been pretty boldly declarative of the bands faith in Jesus throughout all of their releases, and the last full length studio release Major/Minor is one of the best worship albums I have ever heard. Which brings us to the reason for this post...

Dustin is now serving as a pastor/elder at Mars Hill Church in Bellview, WA (Seattle) and is overseeing all of the STELLAR music coming out of Mars Hill. If you aren't familiar with Marc Hill Church (which is highly unlikely) its one of the largest and fastest growing Church networks in America and is based out of Seattle. While I don't always agree with everything that comes from lead pastor Mark Driscoll, and while I don't often defend him against accusations of being kind of a dbag at times, I do do believe he is anointed by God to lead people to Jesus, and he is doing it on a large scale. I'm sure that lots of people have thought lots of majorly important church leaders have been total buttheads throughout history, and Mark has helped me a great deal with some of my own personal struggles.

Back to Dustin. Being that he has a very large network of non-Christian fans and friends, his recent transition from rock idol to worship pastor has brought a lot of questions to the table about the very nature of worship, and music, and worship music.

This interview is fascinating. I think I might like it more than most people because of my biases toward Dustin, Thrice, and Mars Hill Music, but also because it reminds me of conversations I have had with some of my closest friends late night at a bar trying to explain Christianity. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Creationists VS Atheists VS Paul. A difference of approaches.

In 1964, US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart dropped a quote that would be attached to him for the rest of his career. Stewart wrote in his short concurrence following the obscenity case, Jacobellis v. Ohio, that "hard-core pornography" was hard to define, but that "I know it when I see it." I guess there is really no arguing that. Somethings are very hard to prove no matter what kind of education, research, or intellect you may have at your disposal. You just know it when you see it.

I recently came across an article on CNN's Belief Blog chronicling the Billboard war raging between several faith based .orgs and the American Athiests Association in New York City. You can find the article here:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2013/10/09/creationists-battle-atheists-in-latest-billboard-war/

This whole thing strikes me as odd. I had to stop after I read it and cycle through which one of my emotions was the right one to feel. 

I'll admit, while reading the article I found myself frustrated at several points, which were equally distributed between the two sides. Each side of the debate employs a strategy that cuts off dialogue before in even has a chance to begin. It's like a drunken late night twitter war, but worse because its all premeditated on a large scale. 

Now if you are still reading this, and haven't done so already, I want to to follow the link and meet me back here when you finish the article. Ready... go. 

Welcome back. Frustrating right? Now here is my challenge to you if you are a Christian. Even though some of the tactics used by the American Athiests were pretty egregiously inflammatory, and probably have you either slightly or entirely peeved, and even though the faith based .orgs may have just been returning fire, don't return fire. Just don't... like, ever. Isn't there something written down somewhere about how the world will know us by our love? Did I miss the part where the world is supposed to know us by our 'drop the mic' moments? 

I know we are supposed to contend for the faith, and I do daily with as much boldness as I can muster up, but billboards and Facebook comments are not what Paul was talking about, nor are they remotely close to examples of how I believe he himself would have handled such a debate. 

Just look at Acts 17 where Paul addresses the Areopagus. He went and met the men of Athens in their own setting, and spoke in a language that they would be able to engage with. He chose a starting point that was honoring and respectful, and moved toward differences from there. Paul goes into a beautifully articulated explanation of the Gospel that was uniquely tailored to his audience. He took the time to think about what approach would be effective in furthering the conversation. He was less interested in winning the debate and more interested in winning the relationship. 

Unfortunately, many times (including the Billboard War in my opinion) Christians come across as petty, immature, narrow minded, hateful, uneducated, unsophisticated, insecure dorks with a chip on our shoulder. When I look at these Billboards, I can't help but visualize a group of pimple faced adolescents crowded together in a dark basement wiping cheeto dust onto their cargo jeans and pushing their glasses up the bridge of their noses with their faces illuminated by the dim glow of a computer monitor, as they conjure up the nerve to click 'send' so that they can erupt into a series of celebratory, ill-timed high fives. (shiver) Not our best look y'all.

Far from what I see when I imagine the scene of my favorite part of Paul's address in Athens in verse 32:

"Now when they heard about the resurrection from the dead, some began to scoff, but others said, “We will hear you again about this.” 

Now if we really do love people, shouldn't we care about creating the opportunity to pour into them, serve them, engage with them intellectually, relationally, emotionally, and spiritually, more than we care about satisfying our own voracious appetite for the vindication of our opinions? Shouldn't we be working to build bridges instead of walls? Shouldn't we long to hear "We will hear you again about this" more than we long to hear "you win?" 

I think so. And Paul thinks so too. 

The next month will be breeding ground for these kinds of conversations. I pray that you will welcome them. Be bold, but not mean. Be kind, gentile, respectful and thoughtful as you engage in them. Listen and look through the lens of love. And for the Lord's sake and the sake of His reputation, build up people with love before you try to puff your self up with knowledge. Facts and data can be retorted, but acts love tend to leave people bereft of the desire to fight. 

I know that isn't the way our media driven, microwave society does things. But maybe the best gift you can give the world this holiday season is your difference from it, not your disagreement of it. 

I can only imagine what kind of Glory could be attributed to our gracious God if we would dump that half a mil into a relief effort instead of an ad campaign. And while I rolled my eyes and/or wtf'd approximately 11.75 times before I reached the last picture in the slideshow of the article, I guarantee no one operating from a position of reason and good nature, no matter the faith background or philosophical worldview, would scoff at the love that $500,000 could pour out on a community in need somewhere.

If we really are as passionate about proving the existence of Jesus to be true as we like to act like we are... well, then maybe we should stop trying to out shame those who disagree with our Biblical worldview and try instead to love and serve them. People may not be able to find the proof they are looking for in the data, and people will always have a hard time defining a being as complex as an eternal, all powerful, trinitarian Creator (heck I believe in Him and still have a hard time understanding Him) But I am CERTAIN of one thing, the world will know it when they see it. 

This pastor's biggest fear. (And probably yours too)

I'll be honest. For the 6 years I have been in full time ministry I have rarely been fully transparent. And neither have most pastors in America. Why? Because then people would know how hopelessly jacked up I am. That can't happen can it? How could I possibly be effective in leading people if they know that I 'm a... ahem... **looks both ways to make sure no one is listening**... a SINNER. 

This has been the fear that has gripped me for the last six years. A fear that has led me to feel ashamed, isolated, depressed, hopeless, angry, and just all together bummed the frick out. Apparently I'm not the only one.

According to a New York Times study released in August 2010, Pastors are some of the most depressed, burnt out, stressed out people in America. Here are some stats and facts.

• 13% of active pastors are divorced.


• 23% have been fired or pressured to resign at least once in their careers.


• 25% don't know where to turn when they have a family or personal conflict or issue.


• 25% of pastors' wives see their husband's work schedule as a source of conflict.


• 33% felt burned out within their first five years of ministry.


• 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.


• 40% of pastors and 47% of spouses are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules, and/or unrealistic expectations.


• 45% of pastors' wives say the greatest danger to them and their family is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual burnout.


• 45% of pastors say that they've experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence from ministry.


• 50% feel unable to meet the needs of the job.


• 52% of pastors say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral ministry is hazardous to their family's well-being and health.


• 56% of pastors' wives say that they have no close friends.


• 57% would leave the pastorate if they had somewhere else to go or some other vocation they could do.


• 70% don't have any close friends.



• 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation.


• 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.


• 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively.


• 90% feel unqualified or poorly prepared for ministry.


• 90% work more than 50 hours a week.


• 94% feel under pressure to have a perfect family.


• 1,500 pastors leave their ministries each month due to burnout, conflict, or moral failure.


• Doctors, lawyers and clergy have the most problems with drug abuse, alcoholism and suicide.

I think I speak for us all when I say "womp, womp."

Now here is the real question: What would the reaction be if the comfortable shroud of anonymity was lifted from the statistics. How would your congregation react if they googled these stats and a picture of their pastor or youth pastor glowed before them on the screen? 

This is my biggest fear, and I think this has to be one of the biggest fears of pastors everywhere. I know in my own ministry career I have felt an enormous amount of pressure to project a version of myself that lives up to the pastor hype, but most of the time the projection is FAR from reality. I can't count how many times I have thought to myself, "If anyone ever finds out how truly jacked up I am, I'm out of a job." When you factor in the unspoken expectations perceived by most pastors to glide flawlessly through the day to day demands of ministry with a custom fitted halo, and the fact that our families depend on us to pull in a pay check, there is little room left for authenticity. We may sneak in a vulnerable moment from the pulpit when we are flanked on either side by Hillsong power ballads, but most of the time we are putting on the performance of a lifetime. I even know pastors who have walked away from ministry to pursue acting, and I can't blame them. Acting would be easier. At least when the director says "wrap" you can go back to being your self. Local church ministry as it exists in America is probably the best, or at least the most intense training ground around for Oscar hopefuls and budding broadway stars. Forget moving to LA and enrolling in improv classes, forget theatre school, just go to Bible College and get a BA in BS (double entendre intended) and start applying for jobs at a church. We have everything you need: a script, a setting, a plot, and an extremely critical audience built in to our every waking moment. 

I'm not trying to sound cynical, but its true. Pastors don't feel (at least in my own experience) that we are given the green light to be the royal messes that we actually are. Why not?  

I have spent countless nights tossing and turning through the nightmare of being outed as a sinner and being chased up a tower by a congregation turned pitchfork and torch toting mob, but I bet in most cases, the relief of knowing the truth about Pastors would roll down hill. 

What I mean is, Pastors aren't the only ones who know we are a mess most of the time, and feel an immense amount of pressure to hide it. If we were more honest about our struggles, sure we might have to field a couple (hundred) emails from Sammy and Sally McSlappy (you know who they are in your church) about how pastors aren't supposed to struggle with bla bla bla, but by and large I bet we would hear a collective sigh of relieve from our understudies in the audience if we would just turn off the projector and stand in our own skin as the scarlet-to-white-as-snow grace washed sinners that we are. Besides, all this effort to not disappoint anyone or be outed as a sinner is a gigantic exercise in the discipline of self-unawareness. That's what is so good about the cross. It already outed us. 

This is one of the reasons I love the Apostle Paul. He highlighted his own messy struggle with sin in order to magnify the saving power and all encompassing glory of Jesus. (See Romans 7:15 through... well just keep reading until you get the point.)After all, what communicates the gospel more clearly? "Hey I know Jesus and look how happy and put together I am and you can be too if you follow this acrostic" OR, "I am standing here before you a sinner who is hidden from wrath inside the righteousness of Christ. And if there is room for me, there is definitely room for y'all." 

Here is my advice from my own experience. If you feel completely thrashed by the pressures I'm talking about, follow these steps. (This will sting.)

1. Realize you are not alone. Ministry feels like an island, but there are thousands of men and women who are struggling along side of you. There is a lot of encouragement to be had in that fact alone.

2. Find an accountability group, bite the bullet, and then confess and repent. For me, nothing could be scarier, but nothing is more effective in dealing with my own sin struggles. Don't bear the burden of the sins that Jesus died to lift from you just because you don't want to let people down. Or worse yet, because you don't want to lose the reputation you built on pretending you are something you aren't.

3. Seek out counseling. Most churches offer a provision for pastors who need counseling, but even if your church doesn't, fork out the dough and do it. You need a safe place to deal with your mess. I didn't want to tap out myself, but then I remembered all that stuff Jesus said about humility and what not. 

4. Just be honest. If you get tarred and feathered, so be it. If we aren't being authentic in our roles as spiritual shepherds, than what's the point? 

Bottom Line: Follow the advice you gave the last ten people who came to you for help to overcome a sin in their life. 

So this is a call to all my fellow ministry workers to resolutely refuse to perpetuate the play acting that plagues Church culture in America, to be less stressed out about the mess that we are, and to shift our security away from our ability to perform, and toward our God's ability to ultimately save, commission, sanctify, and even like us. And if our God is for us... right?